We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
the gays at disneyland are vicious
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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