physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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