Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Randomize