he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
