i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
