K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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