pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
