He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize