1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
