her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
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