Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
