I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Alive.
So much puke
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
So vagazzling was a success
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
