Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
