Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
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