your parents love me but you hate me
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Randomize
