guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
Randomize
