Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize