There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
