i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i just google imaged poop.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Fuck me I smell like cheese
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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