I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
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