if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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