Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
