My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
