She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Randomize
