Just cropdusted the office
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
