i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
