Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
