I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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