I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Randomize
