lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
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