perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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