If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
