you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
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