Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
