I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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