I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
