oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
