I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
