You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
