I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
