did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
