Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
