So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
