forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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