Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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