ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I need moral support for this bender
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Randomize
