Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
