goodnight i made you a song goodbye
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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