i can't believe i had my finger in that
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
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