We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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