I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
