my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
