That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
