My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
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