drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
