Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
