Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
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