after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
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