sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
