Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
i was born a porn star she said
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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