Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
