So. Camera broke because I tried to wash it under the sink, kristi had to take me home and I woke up to my computer showing me that I googled how t take more than one shot at a time. I'd say the night was a success.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
