It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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