it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It's a shame, really, because he's got the cock of a horse... And the personality of dry toast.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
