We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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