things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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