I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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