AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
im holly from the hills drunk
Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
