Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
